I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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