Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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