All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
