you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize