She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
