She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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