finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
