My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
