This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Your dad touched me again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
