My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
