I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
