I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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