It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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