have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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