my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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