If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
