Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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