I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
