Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
