Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My vagina just clenched in fear
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
