we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
