One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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