Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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