i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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