Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
