Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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