I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize