apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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