I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
