Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
