So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
