i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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