You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize