Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize