I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
