I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
