dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
