Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
