His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
