Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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