he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
