I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugly people sure do ruin things
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
