Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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