the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize