You work out of a Hotel?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Screwed.edu
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
