Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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