I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
