Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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