Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
