I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
