I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
