Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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