I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
