Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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