im about as happy as oj after his trial
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
