So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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