I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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