dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
