I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
