doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
