I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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