I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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