omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
