Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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