Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
