It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
