Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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