another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
