you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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