My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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