i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
