he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
